I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
