I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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