im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
