so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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