if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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