wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
