Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
