I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am one with the molecules
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
