I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
