My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
