HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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