I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize