So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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