also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
