I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
