walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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