he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
