Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
