This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
