It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
