you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
