I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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