I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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