She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
