what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
