weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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