I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
