just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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