I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
