There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
