i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
