I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
