It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
