Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
