gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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