I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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