you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
