Soap is not a condiment
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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