All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just had sex on a roof
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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