I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize