I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
