I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
