It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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