She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize