chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
