I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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