I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
