Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
