You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
tell me about the eggs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
