I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
