Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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