so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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