But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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