I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
