did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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