So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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