did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
