the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
