i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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