i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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