I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
