I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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