Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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