Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
