You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
