there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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